hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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