Christians are straight up FREAKS
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
