Apparently you make a good broom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
