This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
nutella sex= disaster
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
