then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
