some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
