im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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