I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
