Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
