I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize