I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
