somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
