So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
