K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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