I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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