that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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