so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
