You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
