turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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