question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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