So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize