i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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