he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is Oprah even human
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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