He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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