my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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