apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
