ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
