no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
