Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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