I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
even my farts smell like vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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