My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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