I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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