we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
