how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
