So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
