i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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