no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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