yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
