It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
