she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
