Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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