i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize