ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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