I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
