I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
