so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
