I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
