just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
