I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
