I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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