Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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