I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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