dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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