Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
