barbara walters just said penis...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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