Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize