I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
