Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
