Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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