it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
