somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
