Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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