mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
