Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize