think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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