i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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