So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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