He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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